Here We Go Again

While Jim's mind is preoccupied with building our house, my mind has been wondering what we will do to educate our children once we are in our new house. We will be switching districts once again. Do we send Gracie to her fourth public school since beginning kindergarten, or do we consider homeschooling for the third time? My answer--homeschooling. Why? The short answer is because I'm crazy. The long answer, well, keep reading.

I have always loved schools. There is something magical about a place full of books and learning. I especially love driving up to a school on a dark rainy morning and seeing the lights in the classrooms, watching the teachers and kids safe inside. I must have some good memories revolving around my own rainy day school experiences. As a teacher, I always made sure I let plenty of light and fresh air into my classroom, even during the winter months. But once I had Gracie, somehow I became very anti-public school for my own children.

I am very passionate about education and how children learn. But after spending a few years in the public school system as a teacher, I didn't like what I was seeing as far as national policies. So began my relationship with homeschooling. I call it a relationship because like most relationships, it has had its ups and downs. We tried it twice, but it just wasn't working the way I thought it should be. So we took a break. The girls are now working on their second year in public school, and it has been mostly okay. I have even read Going Public , a book about a Christian family and why they chose public schools over homeschooling. It all made sense, but my desire to homeschool is still stronger than ever.

So here we are. Desire still here. A transition coming. As I look at our relationship with homeschooling, I realize I am mostly at fault for it not working in the past. So if  I want my relationship with homeschooling to go better if we try again, I have to change some things. After much reflecting, the main reason it did not work was lack of a schedule and clear expectations. If, as a family, we come up with a schedule, expectations, and a plan of action if things aren't followed, I think we will have a much better experience! It's all about slowing family life down and using the gifts God's given me as I learn alongside my girls!

Before my girls woke up this morning, I was praying about my day. I am planning on going to Madelyn's class this afternoon for Picture Person, so I was praying about that. I asked God to show me which student needed an extra pat on the back, which student needed an encouraging word, which student needed a smile or an ear to listen. I never prayed that when I was teaching. But then it got me thinking, which of my daughters might need one of those things from me?

Once they woke up, it was apparent that the morning was going to be rough. And it was. With all three of them. In the midst of the chaos, I stopped to ask Madelyn if she even cared about pleasing God and me. She just looked confused and shrugged her shoulders.

I have a tendency to just get angry with my girls when they act this way in the morning. So after I felt the need to yell arise, I stopped. As I was talking to Madelyn about love, I realized that I talk the gospel to the girls, but I rarely show it to them when it counts. Like when they are acting most unloving. Like when Gracie is just crying and whining because she doesn't feel well. I wanted to be frustrated with her. And I was. But I tried to act loving instead. I tried to sympathize with her. I need to show love to them so they will have a desire to please me, and therefore, please God.

I also realized something else. I am not encouraging them to seek God on their own. So this morning, I am going to use post-it notes and their Bibles. I want to teach them what I am learning and show them where to find it in their own Bibles. I'm also going to try to remember to give them encouraging notes to build them up and show love to them.

The battle for their souls isn't mine alone. Isaiah 26:12 says, "Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us." You see, God has given these girls to me so that I may point them towards Him, but He ultimately accomplishes the task of their salvation. I pray each of them will "obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory." 2 Timothy 2:10.
I feel like Gracie is close to making that decision to live for God and not herself, but the battle is not mine alone. To God be the glory!